As Joni Mitchell said, "I've seen things from both sides now..." As a parent and a teacher, I know that conference time is a fraught time for kids, teachers and parents. In past years I have had to literally run from my school to my children's school to be the parent then I have had to run back to my school in the same day to be the teacher. The quick change of roles made my head spin a little.
With this in mind, I wanted to post something that my principal emailed to every teacher and every parent. It is from Michael Thompson and I think it does a very good job of framing conferences to be the best that they can be for all involved.
Making the Best of Parent-Teacher Conferences: Eight Steps to Success for Parents
Michael Thompson, Ph.D., is the author of The Pressured Child: Helping Your Child to Achieve Success in School and in Life, and co-author of Raising Cain: Protecting the Emotional Lives of Boys.
--Remember
the F-word: Focus. The aim of a parent-teacher conference is for adults
to build a mutually respectful alliance that will support a child's
(sometimes difficult) journey through school. Kids thrive when they feel
the adults in their lives see them in the same way. Parents and
teachers should try to use the precious minutes of a conference to reach
agreement about a child's strengths and challenges–-and how to respond
to each.
--Be
there. We expect our children to attend school every day. Research
shows that they do better academically when both parents attend
conferences. A parental no-show sends a message to a child that maybe
school isn't such a high priority, or perhaps that he or she isn't.
--Leave
your old school baggage at home. We all have memories of teachers and
classes that made us miserable. It's important to set those aside and
approach your child's teachers as peers and partners. Assume a teacher
wants to see your child succeed in school and life –- just as you do.
The respect you show a teacher is contagious and will find its way back
to your child.
--Use
a report card as a tool, not a centerpiece. Turn any review of grades
or other evaluations into an opportunity to ask what's working and
what's not for your child, and listen to the teacher's observations. Do
not dwell on the grade itself and do not attempt to pressure a teacher
to change a grade, especially at a conference (if there is a real issue
of injustice, it should be taken to an administrator). Remember, an "A"
student won't die from getting a "B," nor will a "B" student suffer
irreparable harm from getting a "C." Most of us learned lessons about
life and about ourselves from getting lower grades than we wished.
--Share
insider information: Tell the teacher what you know about your child as
a learner. You've seen plenty. You know what motivates your child, what
has worked with teachers in the past, and what your child loves and
hates about school. Also, tell your child's teacher about your hopes and
fears for your child. All parents worry from the day they send their
children off to Kindergarten, and on through high school. No parent ever
has all the information they'd like to have about their child's school
life. When you articulate your concerns and wishes, it alerts a teacher
to something important about your child's life. That information can
help a teacher fine-tune instruction or interactions to be more
effective for your child.
--Ask
about the things that matter most. Go beyond grades. Ask about your
child as a citizen of the classroom. Is he or she respectful of adults
and other students? Not every child is going to be a brilliant student,
but brilliant or not, you want your child to be a loving, respectful,
productive citizen who can live in community with others. Ask about your
child's social life in school. Ask whether she or he has friends, is
part of a group, knows how to socialize and work respectfully with other
children. How your child functions with other people is going to make a
big difference in later life.
--Ask
what you can do. Ask how you can support your child's success without
micromanaging or rescuing him or her from mistakes and the valuable
lessons they offer.
--Trust your child’s development. Try relaxing a little and having faith in your child’s journey through school.
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
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